A NEW BEGINNING

Happy New Year 

2020 was a difficult year for everyone because in one way or another, Covid 19 touched everyone. For some, the touch was deep and very rough and for others, it was a mere nudge which they were able to move forward from. Like everyone else, I was also touched by Covid 19. I did not receive a salary for 9 months and it was tough. My teenage children needed to eat full time (teenager's appetite is on another level) plus the usual household expenses that do not stop just because you do not have money. To say that it was tough is an understatement. We pulled through though by the grace of God and here we are in January 2021. I am back to work, my children are back to school and everything seems to be going back to normal. 

The whole situation left me disturbed as there were days when I found myself worrying whether there would be enough food for everyone. I am sure that  you my reader probably went through a similar situation or worse or you were not affected by the pandemic. I know of people who could not afford rent and ended up moving back to the village, some went for days without food. Some people lost their jobs permanently and some could barely afford one meal in a day. It was tough and it seemed like an endless situation. I thank God that I don't live in a rented house and God provided for us every single day and we did not lack completely. 

The worst part of this pandemic is that some families lost their loved ones and one cannot even begin to describe their pain. Some people lost their spouses, their children, siblings and even grandparents. We lost doctors, young and old, specialists in different fields and the the country was just hit hard. Losing a loved one has never been easy, it scars you for life. To all those who lost their loved ones, may God truly comfort you in a way only He can. It is a difficult thing to go through and only God can heal your heart.

For others Covid 19 was an eye opener. It turned 2020 into that year that some people discovered their hidden talents, not only discovering the talent but monetizing it. Some discovered their business skills and went on to make huge profits out of their newly opened businesses. I saw people sell from the boot of their cars. 2020 was the year that confirmed to many that it is always important to have more than one source of income. It was the year that online learning found its place in this country as this was the only way that students could access education. It was still on this digital platform that churches found a new platform to interact with their members. It was in 2020 that we all learned to live with the mask. I still struggle keeping it on for more than a minute, but I am used to it now.

For city dwellers, the lockdown was not an easy one. It separated families for prolonged periods of time and i cannot even imagine the kind of damage it did. I imagine some marriages were broken, family members went for months without interacting with each other, some jobs were lost as some people could not leave the city to access them. I still remember the exodus out of the city when the lockdown was removed. I have never longed for the village like a did those few months. The curfew was interesting. I remember i was arrested together with my children after being found outside after 9.00pm. Thank God the Policeman forgave us with a stern warning. I will never forget how shaken I was by that experience. 

Tough a year as it was, God saw us through. We cannot say that we made it on our own. Despite the lack of salaries or closing of businesses for some, we still had something to eat and a roof over our heads otherwise we would be dead from starvation. We may never go back to life as we knew it before Covid 19 but we are still here by the grace of God. He protected us, provided for us and comforted us while we cried and felt empty.

May 2021 be a better year. May we achieve all the things that we were not able to achieve in 2020 and may God protect us even as talk of a new strain of the virus begins to take shape. We shall overcome, we are more than conquerors!

Yours truly

Noel Omukubi

TIPS BY ROBIN SHARMA

1. Exercise daily.

2. Get serious about gratitude.

3. See your work as a craft.

4. Expect the best and prepare for the worst.

5. Keep a journal.

6. Read “The Autobiography of Benjamin Franklin”.

7. Plan a schedule for your week.

8. Know the 5 highest priorities of your life.

9. Say no to distractions.

10. Drink a lot of water.

11. Improve your work every single day.

12. Get a mentor.

13. Hire a coach.

14. Get up at 5 am each day.

15. Eat less food.

16. Find more heroes.

17. Be a hero to someone.

18. Smile at strangers.

19. Be the most ethical person you know.

20. Don’t settle for anything less than excellence.

21. Savor life’s simplest pleasures.

22. Save 10% of your income each month.

23. Spend time at art galleries.

24. Walk in the woods.

25. Write thank you letters to those who’ve helped you.

26. Forgive those who’ve wronged you.

27. Remember that leadership is about influence and impact, not title and accolades.

28. Create unforgettable moments with those you love.

29. Have 5 great friends.

30. Become stunningly polite.

31. Unplug your TV.

32. Sell your TV.

33. Read daily.

34. Avoid the news.

35. Be content with what you have.

36. Pursue your dreams.

37. Be authentic.

38. Be passionate.

39. Say sorry when you know you should.

40. Never miss a moment to celebrate another.

41. Have a vision for your life.

42. Know your strengths.

43. Focus your mind on the good versus the lack.

44. Be patient.

45. Don’t give up.

46. Clean up your messes.

47. Use impeccable words.

48. Travel more.

49. Read “As You Think”.

50. Honor your parents.

51. Tip taxi drivers well.

52. Be a great teammate.

53. Give no energy to critics.

54. Spend time in the mountains.

55. Know your top 5 values.

56. Shift from being busy to achieving results.

57. Innovate and iterate.

58. Speak less. Listen more.

59. Be the best person you know.

60. Make your life matter.

Pass this list on to a friend by using the sharing tools on this page.

DEFINING YOURSELF

Someone once said “Believe in your purposes. Define yourself endlessly.” It is very important that now more than ever you know who you truly are. Get to that point where you truly understand yourself because this is the key to understanding your purpose here on earth. When you understand your purpose here on earth, then you have truly lived.

Everyone has a dream. What is your dream? If you don’t have one, then I would encourage you to start dreaming. Your dream is what you would like to accomplish in life; that big thing that you want to be known by. Do not be afraid of big dreams. Someone once said, “Believe in your dream and define yourself endlessly.” - Debasish Mridha. Do you know that you are as big as your dream? The vice versa is also true.

Don’t be afraid of what people say about you and your dream for that is your purpose in life. Abaida Mahmood says: “Don't let the world define you, your definition only needs to resonate with yourself.” You are the only one who knows yourself and understands yourself. Before the world starts defining you, define yourself because then you stand on stable ground and cannot be swayed by what other people think.  “Never let anyone define who you are or decide who you should become.” ― Edmond Mbiaka

Debasish Mridha said “Don’t fear uniqueness. Fear similarities and acceptance. Create a new trend by defining yourself.”

SILENT TROUBLES

Diana’s husband Paul lost his job and he was the sole bread winner. They were desperate and were staring at bleak times ahead. Paul was a man who had given his family a good life, status, class and a way of life that was above mediocre. They were a well to do family who dwelt in abundance and opulence. Diana was used to this kind of lifestyle and she was not about to just let it go. She had a social status to protect and high end friends to keep and she was not just about to remove her children from the expensive schools they were enrolled in.

Poverty was something she had said goodbye to several years ago after growing up in poverty. Her background was nothing to write home about. She knew what poverty was as she had grown in it and lived it. She knew what it meant to sleep hungry, sleep on the floor without a good mattress or blanket. She knew what it meant not to have nice clothes to wear and what it meant to walk barefoot and not to have nice shoes to wear. She had lived the days of being sent away from school for fees and missing out on school for weeks or even sometimes for months. She knew poverty and she hated it with a passion.

When she was young, she had friends who came from rich families and she always admired their lifestyles. She loved to go to her rich friends’ home to admire the cutlery, the fine curtains, the nice expensive looking seats, the decor and all their elegant dresses that she could never dream of having. She swore that she would never be poor and that even when she got married, she decided that she would go for a rich man who had made it in life. She wanted the good life at all costs.

She remembered the day she met Paul. He was a handsome and sharp looking young man who looked like he had made it in life. Indeed he had made it and was looking to settle down. Diana came into his life just at the right time. The thing with Diana is that she knew how to package herself into this strikingly beautiful woman that was irresistant. Paul fell in love with her as soon as he met her and they got married and settled down to a life of marriage.

Diana loved the good things in life. She quickly adapted to the good things that life had to offer her. She loved expensive things and quickly adapted to an expensive lifestyle. Paul knew about her poor background and he struggled to understand why she behaved as if she had never interacted with poverty. He however could afford to give her the lifestyle she wanted so he never argued with her whenever she would demand for something expensive and unreasonable. He loved her and felt that she had suffered enough growing up and so she deserved everything she demanded for. This was a mistake that would later come to haunt him.

The day Paul told Diana that he had lost his job and that they would need to cut down on expenses until he sorts himself out, all hell broke loose in that house. Diana refused to accept that her husband could no longer provide the kind of lifestyle she wanted. All kind of pleading from Paul fell on deaf ears. This was now the beginning of problems in their otherwise perfect marriage. What surprised Paul more was the fact that Diana was more concerned about her image than the problem at hand. Diana was determined not to changed even a single atom of her lifestyle. Paul struggled to stay afloat but he could only do so for so long because they were struggling to stay afloat.

They survived on his savings and before long; they were now at a point of disposing off their assets to continue surviving.

Paul was badly depressed but Diana did not want him to tell anyone about their situation. They were struggling but in public, she pretended that everything was okay. Paul developed ulcers and was now staring at hypertension. He did not know what to do. He had lost weight and was almost breaking down. He wanted to share his predicament with his close friends but Diana would hear none of it. He needed help to get another job and he needed to reach out. Diana was not working and he needed her to also go out there and hustle. Diana said that she could not just suddenly start working because her friends would wonder why she was working yet she was provided for with everything.

Paul was breaking down and falling apart. His wife who was supposed to be his pillar was crushing him. Her need for a flashy lifestyle and class was destroying him. He knew that if he continued to keep quiet, he would continue suffering in silence and no one would help him. He also knew that if he reached out and his problem was made known, he would get help but would probably lose his wife in the process. He knew what he needed to do. He decided to reach out, it was the only way to save his family and himself. He decided that he was not going to suffer in silence anymore. He had his children and his health to think about. He would deal with his wife later.

THE PERFECT PARENT

Kenneth, a widower, had managed to raise his children well. At least he thought he did. His son Daniel was set to join university and his daughter, Miriam was almost through with high school as she was in her final year. He had put his hope in his son Daniel whom he believed once through with university would turn out into a great professional. Daniel was a bright young man who excelled in his studies. Kenneth wanted him to study law but Daniel wanted to study art and design. After a bit of back and forth, Daniel finally agreed to study law.  Kenneth decided that he would empower his son in his field of study so that he can excel and become a great and sought after lawyer. Daniel had a proper upbringing by all standards, raised in a godly environment. His father insisted that he must join the Christian Union once he joined university and got their pastor to emphasize on this. According to Kenneth, his son Daniel was a good boy.

Daniel wanted to live his life not the way his father wanted but the way he wanted. He felt that through the years growing up he had been living his father’s life and subsequently living a lie. It was now time for him to live his own life. The first thing he did when he joined university was to change the course he was to take from law to art and design. He did not join the Christian Union but joined a group of young men who were up to no good. Within no time, Daniel was taking alcohol and experimenting with drugs.

News reached Kenneth that Daniel his son was doing drugs but Kenneth refused to believe it. Whenever Daniel came home, he packaged himself as the perfect son and the father had no reason to doubt him. However, by second year, Daniel was so lost in drugs that it could not be kept hidden anymore. He rarely attended classes, he failed most of the exams and he was no longer interested in school. He had become a serious addict and was always high.

Kenneth was heartbroken and at a loss for words. His brilliant son who had scored A’s in high school was now a junkie who couldn’t function normally. Daniel no longer interacted with his friends or neighbours and spent most of his time locked up in his room. Kenneth denied Daniel any kind of access to money but Daniel always found a way of accessing his drugs. Kenneth did not understand how his son was able to achieve this.

Kenneth did not want anyone to know that his brilliant son with a promising future was lost in the world of alcohol and drug abuse. What worked to his advantage was the fact that Kenneth behaved like an introvert while at home and did not socialise much. Kenneth was able to keep him hidden and away from the critical and judgemental eye of society. He could not handle the gossip and ridicule of people who could not understand the depth of his problem and pain. He figured that it was not a societal problem but his problem and so he would handle it his way.

Daniel did drop out of university and he sent him to a rehabilitation centre. Every time Kenneth left his son at the rehab centre, Daniel would sneak out. It became difficult to keep him at a rehab centre. It was a difficult thing for Kenneth to endure. He watched his son ruin and throw his life away. He however held onto the belief that his son would change. A neighbour and close friend found out about Daniel’s problem and tried to speak to Kenneth about it but Kenneth denied that his son was an addict. The friendship between the two took a beating because Kenneth felt that his friend was intruding on his personal life and crossing boundaries. Kenneth could not be helped, he had chosen to go through this storm alone. It was heavy and difficult but Kenneth refused to be helped. He chose to paint a picture of a perfect parent with perfect children but this was not the case. He could be helped though but only if he spoke up and reached out for help.

THE SILENT STORMS' SERIES

THE WOUNDS OF MARRIAGE

THE SILENT STORM IN JENNY'S MARRIAGE

By Noel Omukubi

Jenny’s husband Nathan was cheating on her and she knew it. Nathan did not know that Jenny knew of his erratic ways, his hidden affair that he thought was properly tucked away. She cried in the bedroom, in the dark alone on this particular night when her husband did not come back home. It was 11.30pm and he had not yet come back home. She knew that he was at the other woman’s house. He had told her that he was working late and he would come home as soon as he was done with work. She wondered which work he was doing at that time of the night. She imagined him smiling and giving all his affection to the other lady as she sat in the house lonely and cold waiting for him. 

Lately Nathan had become distant; he was disconnected from her and had become very detached. He no longer engaged her in any meaningful conversation. In fact, he rarely spoke to her and whenever he did, it was when he needed to find a missing sock or to find out if there was an unsettled pending bill or if the children needed anything. He claimed to be too busy, yet she knew that his attention and all his time now belonged to another woman.

How she cried in pain when she remembered the beautiful times they had spent together when they were newly married. She remembered how she met Nathan, a humble man of promise with a great future, the beautiful time of courtship and love, the beautiful moments of love they had shared when they were newly married, the struggles they went through together trying to establish themselves in life, the many days they had to make do as they believed in God for a better day, a day of breakthrough. Nathan was a humble man and how he loved Jenny. She was also crazy about him. He was God sent. He understood her, treated her like a queen, took care of her like a baby. She remembered the many conversations they used to have till late in the night laughing while sleeping on the floor as they could not afford a bed at that time.

God did come through for them like he always does. Jenny’s Husband got a job, a well-paying job. How Jenny jumped and celebrated because of this job. One would have thought that she was the one who had gotten the job. They would now bid poverty goodbye. Times of hardship ended and change came. Their lifestyle improved significantly and Jenny and her husband were now counted among the well to do in society. But as times changed, so did Jenny’s husband. He slowly started slipping away from her. She knew it, she saw it and tried to prevail on her husband that they had a marriage to work on. He seemed indifferent, like he did not understand what there was to work on. After all, they were already married and he was not going anywhere. Jenny cried when she remembered how she found out that her husband was cheating on her with another woman. The worst part is that the lady he was cheating on her with taunted her about it.

Jenny never told her husband that his mistress was sending her abusive texts insulting her. Nathan’s mistress would tell Jenny over and over about how she was going to take Jenny’s husband away from her. Jenny was afraid of being abandoned by Nathan. He was her whole life, her happiness. She loved him and wanted her marriage to work. Unfortunately, Jenny never shared her predicament with anyone. She pretended in front of her family, colleagues and friends that all was well. She was always making excuses for Nathan whenever she was asked of his whereabouts; she always had a story to tell. She would say that he had travelled or that he was overwhelmed with work. The truth is no one knew what Jenny was going through. No one knew that Jenny was a lonely, bitter, angry and heartbroken woman. She did not want anyone to know. She carried herself in public as a perfect wife in a happy marriage. She was far from this and not even her mother, her best friend or pastor knew about this.

Jenny was ashamed. How could she tell anybody about this thing that was eating her up, silently killing her? How could she open up and tell people that the man she had trusted the most had betrayed her and wounded her deeply? She had to maintain the image of a perfect wife, well kept by her husband. She thought she was doing the right thing.

Like Jenny, many of us go through life’s storms silently. We hide things that we feel other people should not know about because we fear being judged. We fear being called imperfect, we fear being ridiculed, and we fear becoming the topic of discussion; so we die alone. The storm blows hard, and hits us hard to the very core and we are afraid to call out to anyone, not even to Jesus.

The storm literally tears us apart, piece by piece, shred by shred, tossing us here and there. Oh and how we suffer when all we need to do is open up. There is always someone ready to listen and to help. And even if it is not a human, God is always ready to listen and to help. There is a way out. Open your eyes and see it.

THE SILENT STORM'S SERIES

SILENT STORMS' SERIES

ANNE'S SILENT STORM

By Noel Omukubi

Anne was afraid of her husband Robert who beat her up like a dog almost every day. Her marriage had become a nightmare, hell on earth. Both Anne and Robert were born again. Infact, Robert served as a leader in the men’s ministry while Anne served in the ladies ministry. They were respected church members and were regarded as the perfect couple. Many looked upto them as mentors for they always looked so happy and perfect together. Anne only told her mum and her best friend that her husband was battering her. Her mum would encourage her to be strong and to endure, after all she (Anne’s mum) had gone through years of violence from her own husband. The violence only stopped when he died. Anne had witnessed her mum take violent beatings from her father. She even wondered how her mother had survived the beatings. She watched her mother became a shell of herself, deteriorate into a weak and fearful woman. Her mother never told a soul about the beatings she got from her husband. In the same way, she expected Anne to keep the matter to herself and accept it as normal. Anne never accepted it as normal and would always tell herself growing up that she would marry a man who would pamper her as a princess.

When Anne was in university, she fell in love with Robert. She was coming out of a Christian Union meeting and met him at the door way. He greeted her and she responded. She assumed that he had been part of the meeting. He was not but Anne did not know this. He was escorting his friend and when he laid his eyes on Anne, he completely forgot about his friend and focussed all his attention on Anne. He was the most charming man you could lay your eyes on. He loved her with a passion and he always told her that he would marry her. He liked to joke and say that Anne was heaven sent to him. Robert loved to talk about Anne’s breath taking beauty.

He loved her dearly and showered her with gifts every so often. He married her in a lavish ceremony and Anne assumed that their marriage would be bliss. How wrong she was. Robert had told her that he was born again and she never questioned it. She loved God dearly and sincerely and she wanted a man who loved God just as she did. To her, Robert was heaven sent. She quickly settled into marriage with the love of her life. Life was good until the first time Robert slapped her. She came home after 7, something she had never done before. She had gone for coffee with a long-time friend and forgot to tell Robert about it. She got home to an angry husband who was not ready to listen to anything she had to say. He accused her of infidelity and when she tried to defend herself, he slapped her so hard that she fell on the floor. She was not sure if it was the slap or the shock out of the fact that her husband could hit her that made her fall. He did not hit her again but he walked away angry. She lay on the same spot she had fallen and cried uncontrollably for hours. Her beloved Robert had slapped her and she could not believe it.

Robert apologised for slapping her and said that he did not know what had come over him. He said that he was jealous and did not want to share her with anyone else. He said that he would rather die than share her affection with another man. Anne told him that the friend she had coffee with was actually a lady, an old time friend that was dear to her. They made up and life went back to normal or so she thought. Anne put the incident out of her mind reasoning that he probably did not mean to hit her. After all, he loved her too much.

After a few weeks, Anne had a late meeting in the office and came home a bit late. Robert was already home and was angrily waiting for her though Anne did not know that he was angry with her. She cheerfully went to say hi to him and received a punch in the face that knocked her out cold. The punch also knocked out two of her teeth. When she came to, she was lying on the floor, bleeding and her husband was nowhere to be found. She wondered if she was dreaming or if indeed her husband had punched her. She was in a lot of pain and when she tried to call out to her husband, he was nowhere to be found. She slowly picked herself up and reached for her phone. She called her husband but the call went unanswered. She called again and again but no response was forthcoming. Anne knew that she was in trouble. The reality of the man she was married to quickly dawned on her. She was re-living her mother’s life. The only difference between Robert and Anne’s father was that Robert was born again or so she thought. Her best friend took her to hospital and she was treated and discharged. Anne told her friend never to tell anyone about the incident. It was to be a secret. 

Robert came back after three days, full of apologies and tears. He said that he did not know what came over him. Anne forgave him and took him back. She had to forgive him, she had to take him back after all he was her husband. She had to let go of the hurt and she had to find a way of living with him. Anne’s marriage became a night mare, her husband beat her up at the slightest provocation. He was such a violent man that she was very afraid of him. She realised that she did not know him well. He had hidden his true identity and only unveiled it once they got married. She was terrified of getting home since any small mistake warranted a beating.

Anne had perfected the art of covering up for her husband. She hid her bruises with makeup. When she was badly injured, she would not show up in church and would lie that she was ministering in another church or she had travelled upcountry. She would wait until she was properly healed to go back to church. She faked a smile in church and would sit very close to her husband pretending that all is well. Truth is she was dying inside ad she lived in fear. Her husband unleashed terror on her and inflicted very serious wounds on her. Her marriage was a nightmare and she did not know how to get out of it, she did not even think that she could. Her husband had threatened to kill her if she ever told anyone about it, but she had also chosen not to ever tell anyone, especially in church about it. It was her secret. The neighbours did not know about it because whenever Robert would beat her, he would turn up the volume of the radio and also warned her that the day their neighbours found out about it would be the last day she would live. He also threatened to commit suicide after killing her.

Anne like many women today is living in a silent storm, a storm that only she can get herself out of. No woman should live in a violent environment in the name of marriage.  Get out before you are killed or permanently maimed.