THE PERFECT PARENT

Kenneth, a widower, had managed to raise his children well. At least he thought he did. His son Daniel was set to join university and his daughter, Miriam was almost through with high school as she was in her final year. He had put his hope in his son Daniel whom he believed once through with university would turn out into a great professional. Daniel was a bright young man who excelled in his studies. Kenneth wanted him to study law but Daniel wanted to study art and design. After a bit of back and forth, Daniel finally agreed to study law.  Kenneth decided that he would empower his son in his field of study so that he can excel and become a great and sought after lawyer. Daniel had a proper upbringing by all standards, raised in a godly environment. His father insisted that he must join the Christian Union once he joined university and got their pastor to emphasize on this. According to Kenneth, his son Daniel was a good boy.

Daniel wanted to live his life not the way his father wanted but the way he wanted. He felt that through the years growing up he had been living his father’s life and subsequently living a lie. It was now time for him to live his own life. The first thing he did when he joined university was to change the course he was to take from law to art and design. He did not join the Christian Union but joined a group of young men who were up to no good. Within no time, Daniel was taking alcohol and experimenting with drugs.

News reached Kenneth that Daniel his son was doing drugs but Kenneth refused to believe it. Whenever Daniel came home, he packaged himself as the perfect son and the father had no reason to doubt him. However, by second year, Daniel was so lost in drugs that it could not be kept hidden anymore. He rarely attended classes, he failed most of the exams and he was no longer interested in school. He had become a serious addict and was always high.

Kenneth was heartbroken and at a loss for words. His brilliant son who had scored A’s in high school was now a junkie who couldn’t function normally. Daniel no longer interacted with his friends or neighbours and spent most of his time locked up in his room. Kenneth denied Daniel any kind of access to money but Daniel always found a way of accessing his drugs. Kenneth did not understand how his son was able to achieve this.

Kenneth did not want anyone to know that his brilliant son with a promising future was lost in the world of alcohol and drug abuse. What worked to his advantage was the fact that Kenneth behaved like an introvert while at home and did not socialise much. Kenneth was able to keep him hidden and away from the critical and judgemental eye of society. He could not handle the gossip and ridicule of people who could not understand the depth of his problem and pain. He figured that it was not a societal problem but his problem and so he would handle it his way.

Daniel did drop out of university and he sent him to a rehabilitation centre. Every time Kenneth left his son at the rehab centre, Daniel would sneak out. It became difficult to keep him at a rehab centre. It was a difficult thing for Kenneth to endure. He watched his son ruin and throw his life away. He however held onto the belief that his son would change. A neighbour and close friend found out about Daniel’s problem and tried to speak to Kenneth about it but Kenneth denied that his son was an addict. The friendship between the two took a beating because Kenneth felt that his friend was intruding on his personal life and crossing boundaries. Kenneth could not be helped, he had chosen to go through this storm alone. It was heavy and difficult but Kenneth refused to be helped. He chose to paint a picture of a perfect parent with perfect children but this was not the case. He could be helped though but only if he spoke up and reached out for help.

THE SILENT STORMS' SERIES

THE WOUNDS OF MARRIAGE

THE SILENT STORM IN JENNY'S MARRIAGE

By Noel Omukubi

Jenny’s husband Nathan was cheating on her and she knew it. Nathan did not know that Jenny knew of his erratic ways, his hidden affair that he thought was properly tucked away. She cried in the bedroom, in the dark alone on this particular night when her husband did not come back home. It was 11.30pm and he had not yet come back home. She knew that he was at the other woman’s house. He had told her that he was working late and he would come home as soon as he was done with work. She wondered which work he was doing at that time of the night. She imagined him smiling and giving all his affection to the other lady as she sat in the house lonely and cold waiting for him. 

Lately Nathan had become distant; he was disconnected from her and had become very detached. He no longer engaged her in any meaningful conversation. In fact, he rarely spoke to her and whenever he did, it was when he needed to find a missing sock or to find out if there was an unsettled pending bill or if the children needed anything. He claimed to be too busy, yet she knew that his attention and all his time now belonged to another woman.

How she cried in pain when she remembered the beautiful times they had spent together when they were newly married. She remembered how she met Nathan, a humble man of promise with a great future, the beautiful time of courtship and love, the beautiful moments of love they had shared when they were newly married, the struggles they went through together trying to establish themselves in life, the many days they had to make do as they believed in God for a better day, a day of breakthrough. Nathan was a humble man and how he loved Jenny. She was also crazy about him. He was God sent. He understood her, treated her like a queen, took care of her like a baby. She remembered the many conversations they used to have till late in the night laughing while sleeping on the floor as they could not afford a bed at that time.

God did come through for them like he always does. Jenny’s Husband got a job, a well-paying job. How Jenny jumped and celebrated because of this job. One would have thought that she was the one who had gotten the job. They would now bid poverty goodbye. Times of hardship ended and change came. Their lifestyle improved significantly and Jenny and her husband were now counted among the well to do in society. But as times changed, so did Jenny’s husband. He slowly started slipping away from her. She knew it, she saw it and tried to prevail on her husband that they had a marriage to work on. He seemed indifferent, like he did not understand what there was to work on. After all, they were already married and he was not going anywhere. Jenny cried when she remembered how she found out that her husband was cheating on her with another woman. The worst part is that the lady he was cheating on her with taunted her about it.

Jenny never told her husband that his mistress was sending her abusive texts insulting her. Nathan’s mistress would tell Jenny over and over about how she was going to take Jenny’s husband away from her. Jenny was afraid of being abandoned by Nathan. He was her whole life, her happiness. She loved him and wanted her marriage to work. Unfortunately, Jenny never shared her predicament with anyone. She pretended in front of her family, colleagues and friends that all was well. She was always making excuses for Nathan whenever she was asked of his whereabouts; she always had a story to tell. She would say that he had travelled or that he was overwhelmed with work. The truth is no one knew what Jenny was going through. No one knew that Jenny was a lonely, bitter, angry and heartbroken woman. She did not want anyone to know. She carried herself in public as a perfect wife in a happy marriage. She was far from this and not even her mother, her best friend or pastor knew about this.

Jenny was ashamed. How could she tell anybody about this thing that was eating her up, silently killing her? How could she open up and tell people that the man she had trusted the most had betrayed her and wounded her deeply? She had to maintain the image of a perfect wife, well kept by her husband. She thought she was doing the right thing.

Like Jenny, many of us go through life’s storms silently. We hide things that we feel other people should not know about because we fear being judged. We fear being called imperfect, we fear being ridiculed, and we fear becoming the topic of discussion; so we die alone. The storm blows hard, and hits us hard to the very core and we are afraid to call out to anyone, not even to Jesus.

The storm literally tears us apart, piece by piece, shred by shred, tossing us here and there. Oh and how we suffer when all we need to do is open up. There is always someone ready to listen and to help. And even if it is not a human, God is always ready to listen and to help. There is a way out. Open your eyes and see it.

THE SILENT STORM'S SERIES

SILENT STORMS' SERIES

ANNE'S SILENT STORM

By Noel Omukubi

Anne was afraid of her husband Robert who beat her up like a dog almost every day. Her marriage had become a nightmare, hell on earth. Both Anne and Robert were born again. Infact, Robert served as a leader in the men’s ministry while Anne served in the ladies ministry. They were respected church members and were regarded as the perfect couple. Many looked upto them as mentors for they always looked so happy and perfect together. Anne only told her mum and her best friend that her husband was battering her. Her mum would encourage her to be strong and to endure, after all she (Anne’s mum) had gone through years of violence from her own husband. The violence only stopped when he died. Anne had witnessed her mum take violent beatings from her father. She even wondered how her mother had survived the beatings. She watched her mother became a shell of herself, deteriorate into a weak and fearful woman. Her mother never told a soul about the beatings she got from her husband. In the same way, she expected Anne to keep the matter to herself and accept it as normal. Anne never accepted it as normal and would always tell herself growing up that she would marry a man who would pamper her as a princess.

When Anne was in university, she fell in love with Robert. She was coming out of a Christian Union meeting and met him at the door way. He greeted her and she responded. She assumed that he had been part of the meeting. He was not but Anne did not know this. He was escorting his friend and when he laid his eyes on Anne, he completely forgot about his friend and focussed all his attention on Anne. He was the most charming man you could lay your eyes on. He loved her with a passion and he always told her that he would marry her. He liked to joke and say that Anne was heaven sent to him. Robert loved to talk about Anne’s breath taking beauty.

He loved her dearly and showered her with gifts every so often. He married her in a lavish ceremony and Anne assumed that their marriage would be bliss. How wrong she was. Robert had told her that he was born again and she never questioned it. She loved God dearly and sincerely and she wanted a man who loved God just as she did. To her, Robert was heaven sent. She quickly settled into marriage with the love of her life. Life was good until the first time Robert slapped her. She came home after 7, something she had never done before. She had gone for coffee with a long-time friend and forgot to tell Robert about it. She got home to an angry husband who was not ready to listen to anything she had to say. He accused her of infidelity and when she tried to defend herself, he slapped her so hard that she fell on the floor. She was not sure if it was the slap or the shock out of the fact that her husband could hit her that made her fall. He did not hit her again but he walked away angry. She lay on the same spot she had fallen and cried uncontrollably for hours. Her beloved Robert had slapped her and she could not believe it.

Robert apologised for slapping her and said that he did not know what had come over him. He said that he was jealous and did not want to share her with anyone else. He said that he would rather die than share her affection with another man. Anne told him that the friend she had coffee with was actually a lady, an old time friend that was dear to her. They made up and life went back to normal or so she thought. Anne put the incident out of her mind reasoning that he probably did not mean to hit her. After all, he loved her too much.

After a few weeks, Anne had a late meeting in the office and came home a bit late. Robert was already home and was angrily waiting for her though Anne did not know that he was angry with her. She cheerfully went to say hi to him and received a punch in the face that knocked her out cold. The punch also knocked out two of her teeth. When she came to, she was lying on the floor, bleeding and her husband was nowhere to be found. She wondered if she was dreaming or if indeed her husband had punched her. She was in a lot of pain and when she tried to call out to her husband, he was nowhere to be found. She slowly picked herself up and reached for her phone. She called her husband but the call went unanswered. She called again and again but no response was forthcoming. Anne knew that she was in trouble. The reality of the man she was married to quickly dawned on her. She was re-living her mother’s life. The only difference between Robert and Anne’s father was that Robert was born again or so she thought. Her best friend took her to hospital and she was treated and discharged. Anne told her friend never to tell anyone about the incident. It was to be a secret. 

Robert came back after three days, full of apologies and tears. He said that he did not know what came over him. Anne forgave him and took him back. She had to forgive him, she had to take him back after all he was her husband. She had to let go of the hurt and she had to find a way of living with him. Anne’s marriage became a night mare, her husband beat her up at the slightest provocation. He was such a violent man that she was very afraid of him. She realised that she did not know him well. He had hidden his true identity and only unveiled it once they got married. She was terrified of getting home since any small mistake warranted a beating.

Anne had perfected the art of covering up for her husband. She hid her bruises with makeup. When she was badly injured, she would not show up in church and would lie that she was ministering in another church or she had travelled upcountry. She would wait until she was properly healed to go back to church. She faked a smile in church and would sit very close to her husband pretending that all is well. Truth is she was dying inside ad she lived in fear. Her husband unleashed terror on her and inflicted very serious wounds on her. Her marriage was a nightmare and she did not know how to get out of it, she did not even think that she could. Her husband had threatened to kill her if she ever told anyone about it, but she had also chosen not to ever tell anyone, especially in church about it. It was her secret. The neighbours did not know about it because whenever Robert would beat her, he would turn up the volume of the radio and also warned her that the day their neighbours found out about it would be the last day she would live. He also threatened to commit suicide after killing her.

Anne like many women today is living in a silent storm, a storm that only she can get herself out of. No woman should live in a violent environment in the name of marriage.  Get out before you are killed or permanently maimed.